A Change of Heart…

I am not a fan of this platitude,

‘Prayers are answered in God’s time, not ours.’

It is, for me, a very unsettling group of words.

It brings to mind an interminable wait…not dissimilar to Vladimir and Estragon’s in Samuel Becket’s tragicomedy about the human condition, Waiting for Godot.

They worry out loud whether they will recognize him when he comes, if he comes?

Are they in the right place or will they miss him?

Should they leave or keep waiting another day, just in case?

Their dilemma is an all too familiar litany.

I pray, I wait, I despair, I stay.

For me God’s timing isn’t so much about the direct answering of my prayer, for in Isaiah the Lord says, “before they call I will answer.” (65:24)

It’s more about whether I will recognize God’s answer to my prayer when it comes, because if I don’t then the wait will  seem endless.


And if it drags on and on will I even be around when the answer comes?

Not a very encouraging scenario when I’m swirling around in a crisis that needs to be resolved right this very minute.

As I grow older in wisdom and start to call my empty nest a cosy-nest-made-for-two,

stuff happens beyond my four walls that I can’t, nay, do not want to control.

I am no longer in charge of my children’s lives,

their lives are just that,


The prayers I’ve been praying recently aren’t so much asking for change in others,

they’re asking for change… in me.

For instance, my children may never move geographically closer.  I myself chose to relocate to the Wild West of Texas after college without a backward glance leaving my home and parents in London, so who am I to judge?

They’ve flown the coop and I need to allow them to soar.


Instead of beating down the gates of heaven imploring for a general move closer to the parental homestead,

I’ve begun looking at my life without the distraction of children.

Isaiah tells me God has already answered me so He’s at work as I write.

My heart has been opened to the riches and experiences waiting to bloom where I am right now, geographically, emotionally and relationally.

And so, this prayer answering for me is less about God’s timing and more about Him moulding my life (all the ideas and expectations) like a clod of clay around the things that are beyond my control,

and by so doing,

changing my heart.

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