Examen…

I very often go through my yesterday while on a walk in the mornings.  I love this time alone, I start out still half asleep, my mind drifting back to my pillow, still warm from the night.

It’s a little dark these mornings while the earth rotates eastwards,

the sun hasn’t finished with the other side of the world yet.

Cyclical.  Such  a God-thing.

No beginning or end…just like Him.

God’s eternal self reflected in nature.

Always has been,

Always is,

Always will be.

I walk down our driveway resolving to think through my yesterday hour by hour as Ignatius’ Examen suggests.

It’s not so easy to recall details this early, I’m happy if I manage to shuffle the day into vague chronological order,

Morning.

Afternoon.

Prayer-filled mindfulness coupled with open eyes leaves me prone to distraction,

A burst of yellow in the marshy-lands at the bottom of Footlights’ driveway,

NatureYellow

brings my grandmother to mind, her love of walks,

(“Rambles, ” she called them)

graveyards and thick cheese sandwiches.

I’m half way up the hill before I pull myself back to my contemplation of yesterday hoping to complete this 10 minute exercise in the 54 minutes it takes me to complete my walk.

My mind veers off again and I let it, it’s a good way to meditate on the blessings in my life,

the knees that don’t slow me down, my breath that comes deeply and evenly, Hubs making tea and writing his journal at home, my children…somewhere…

A recent phone call from my oldest, Ian, comes along and I tarry with thoughts of him for a moment.

Happy homeschooling days when he blazed the trail for his siblings and set the bar high.

My stomach flips when I think about the first weeks after he went away to college, when the house was quieter because there was one less person living there

and the dynamics changed with Simon ‘in charge’ for a season.

The donkeys break my reverie, they are together, one gazing at me as I pass, the dark stripe visible along his back,

NatureDonkeys

the other grazing.  Adorable.

I enjoy other people’s livestock.  Our own would be so tying preventing us from flitting across the pond at the drop of a hat…

and I take a mental wander in London carrying heavy bags up the hill to our flat from the High Street with the week’s shopping,

riding the train,

walking through the city streets,

popping into museums and art galleries to dodge the rain or kill an hour before a West End show.

Red buses, black taxis, furled umbrellas, rubber wellies and rain-hats.

I reluctantly return to the Examen, I’m close to the end of yesterday now, winding down,

dinner with Hubs,

Netflix.

The bull standing in a field of long grass knee deep in Snow on the Prairie and sunflowers makes me smile,

NatureBull

he looks so stately chomping and stomping his way through the floral pasture, much more at home than he would be…

…in a china shop!

My Examen is over, my Yesterday has been accounted for, just in time too!

I’ve discerned God’s presence throughout Yesterday and I’m ready to begin Today-

with a quick photo of a late blooming thistle along the lane;

NatureThistle2

my favorite wildflower although it’s intrusive in our meadows, like my thoughts during an Examen.

But no worries, I can’t resist the thistle’s intense purple, bold against the green,

or the unbidden distractions strong and indicative of the glory of God along my way.

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