When I pray about something and my prayer is answered, in whatever way God sees fit, I very rarely say,
“Thanks Lord!”
I never say,
“Everything’s OK now. In fact the problem wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be. Thanks for settling me down and clearing my sight!”
I don’t keep a prayer journal; I should.
At the very least I ought to keep track of answered prayers, or the peace that passeth all understanding when His shoulder grazes mine.
I would be awfully gratified to be able to rattle off the things I’ve been helped with when God has stood by my side patiently waiting with me for the storm to pass.
I do have a mental list of blessings and I can write down hundreds of things I’m thankful for, and do as an exercise in optimism, but in the here and now I do not have a trusty list of answered prayers as a hedge against my frantic cry heavenward,
“Show me a sign Lord, answer this prayer just one more time, so I know you’re still with me…”
How lovely to be able to look at my trusty list for reassurance instead of knock, knock, knocking…
Only I do not have a trusty list.
I succumb to doubt…again…
My children have a tendency to this, not to doubt me but to forget to keep me updated on a situation they have called about for counsel and advice.
I listen and commisserate and my voice lifts them up.
I take their burden. I worry…and I worry…
I ask them later,
“Well, how did your day last week go?”
to which they respond,
“Oh, it turned out to be fine actually. I decided to be really positive and not get sucked into the negativity and things went surprisingly well…” or some such answer.
I don’t suppose they link their positive attitude, to their earlier conversation with me, any more than I link the gentle ebbing of my nausea, to my feverish morning prayer.
All I ask is for a quick text that lets me know their angst has changed to ease.
That’s all God wants too. Only He has the advantage of knowing my innermost thoughts, better than I do.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” a hundred times over to cover for all those missing texts.
And make a note to self to ask about the outcome when my children forget!
Well hello there! My name is Vivienne McNeny.
I am an empty nester exploring life as a Boomer…you could say I'm happily Boomering along!
As a homeschooling Mum I have finally quit the job of role model and mentor to my four children. I do what I want to do, eat when I feel like it, enjoy life with my blue eyed cowboy and clean my house once a month or so whether it needs it or not!
In true English form I write about the emergence of my true identity now that I can no longer hide behind my children as their Mum.
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