Be Totally You…

Her eyes were sparkling again.  I know the signs and long to see them light up with joy every once in a while.

In my naiveté, and yes, I am still naive,  I thought I knew the routine because of the three who went before, that in a few weeks, or months, she would adapt and take delight in carving out a life that was just hers.

But I did not take into consideration the strength of her stubbornness and the blindness of her heart, I should have, she was a tantrum throwing toddler!

The enemy is glad and waits to watch the damage unfold.

My daughter and I talked when she snatched a few days away this weekend from her other home.

I listened and understood and commiserated with the number of upheavals and changes she has gone through during the past six months.

Changes and upheavals that may inspire some, energise others, excite a few but have the power to completely stop my daughter in her tracks, confused, angry, hollow, trapped, en-mired in an ever deepening rut.

Her childhood, those predictable days where dreams were made, careens head on into the thrilling, unknown, terrifying depths of her future.

“This is life,” I breathe.

“This is called growing up,” I whisper.

“This is the frightening place where dreams can evaporate and become the humdrum routine of the day to day,” I know.

An emotional battlefield where the future confronts the comfort zone, the unknown challenges the familiar, the ordinary sabotages the unique.

“No place for the faint hearted,” I murmur.

“Hug tight the little girl you left behind,” I suggest, “whose dreams could be as big and as fanciful and as wild as the wide open spaces of her native Texas.

“Befriend the lonely girl for whom things will never be the same.

“Kiss her tears away for they will only hold you back.

“Blaze the trail of your grown up life so that when you join forces with another your combined strengths and experiences, stubbornness and determination will make you a united force not to be reckoned with.

“Dare to be totally you.

“Open up the eyes of your heart.

“Claim the present with the energy of your past.

“Just do it for your young self who watches, small, alone and crying, willing you to bravely fulfill her dream.

“You are living her future…repair the damage and send the enemy scuttling downward.”

 

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