Gasping for Breath…

As an asthma sufferer I find it difficult to hold my breath.

Moving rhythmically and deliberately during Yoga, being mindful of each inhale and exhale has left me gasping on bad days.

A panic rises up inside me like boiling milk that suddenly reaches the top of the pan

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and spills in the blink of an eye.

Once I ended up in an emergency room where an oxygen mask was clamped firmly over my mouth and nose smothering me.  The seconds that passed before my body responded to the life saving gas were eternal…

…I felt my heart would stop dead in its tracks.

For years now I have not had to use my inhaler, Advair.  I apparently outgrew the struggle to fill my lungs.

I never stopped being grateful for my ability to draw breath purposely and fully.

I am acutely aware of its importance.

Recently my battle has returned.  It may be the new property will all the trees; it may be the damp weather or the drop in temperature; it may be allergies.

All I know is I can’t talk, or concentrate on anything other than snatching tiny gulps of air.

I have to sit up straight, be as still as a statue and close my eyes.

The more agitated I grow the worse it becomes.

My lips swell and turn blue.

My airways close.

I don’t have enough breath for my ventolin huffer.

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Breathing may be a voluntary function but whatever is going on inside my chest over-rides any control I should have.

My spirit drifts into unconsciousness and when I relax I reach for help and after a few days am no longer scrambling to keep up with myself.

When I can inhale for six and exhale for ten,

When I can breathe on command and move rhythmically and deliberately in Yoga,

When I can walk to the beat of my own drum,

When I am relaxed enough to offer up a prayer of thanks for the life giving air that surrounds me,

I know I will never take it for granted.

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My breath is a gift I consciously accept everyday!

Alleluia!

 

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1 Comments

elray

2015-11-06 15:26:18 Reply

And which I am grateful for!

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