In the Commonplace of my Heart…

I have been silent this week on my return from a retreat.

It takes me a while to regroup and gather my thoughts so that I may best understand what it was that happened to me during my hours of unconscious reflection.

I say unconscious because at times emotions welled up in me apparently brought on by nothing…

“Randomly,” my children would say.

In my liturgical tradition I use tools  to make myself available to hear God when He speaks to me.

Recently I have curbed my constant banter of pleadings, reminders, implorings and blabberings in order to be still and listen.

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Jesus, we are told on the first Sunday in Lent, went into the desert for 40 days and fasted…

I went out to Montserrat for 40 hours and silenced…

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I didn’t deprive myself of food…

I know what happens to my body and mind when I fast for one day… I begin to feel light headed.

Jesus prayed…

When I pray in my altered state brought on by a few missed meals, I feel giddy and uplifted… I lose track of time.

My back begins to creak for attention… my head sets up a regular pounding.

By the next morning, if I have managed to go to bed on an empty stomach, I am refreshed, I feel uplifted and as close as I can get to the Divine… in short I am ready to do whatever God asks.

It can be a dangerous act this surrendering to His will…

It was in this tranquil frame of mind that I embarked on my retreat.

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It turned out not to be so different this year from my normal life as a householder.

I walked, ate and kept quiet.

I attended mass, did Stations of the Cross and walked again.

I listened to evening prayer and took notes at meditations and found myself walking again,

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along the lake shore.

I read and wrote a postcard for my prayer partner.

I opened myself to enlightenment.

I was neither light headed nor giddy, nor hungry.

I had no headache, my back was supple and my mind was alert, not altered, as I sat at breakfast.

Oatmeal, strawberries and blackberries, a healthy fresh-from-the-oven muffin and steaming coffee sat before me on the table.

Unbidden, tears pulled up a chair and a sob escaped into a hastily gathered tissue from my sleeve.

Confounded, I removed my glasses and dabbed at my face while finishing my cereal and fruit and emptying my cup.

I felt peaceful and serene.

I took myself off for a walk to the end of the road and back again.

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I cried, I soared along the path my feet borne by angels’ wings.

My heart was singing, my smile was radiant I could feel it making my cheeks tingle in exultation.

Tears flowed.

My life, the one I share with Hubs, is also filled with such joyous moments.

Each day we enjoy the simple pleasure of oatmeal, fresh fruit and coffee.

I did not need a retreat to experience simplicity.

What I did need was God to show me that I was living to His glory in the commonplace of my life.

That I was doing His will as I went about my normal day.

And it may not be extraordinary but it will lead me, in the end, to exactly where He is calling me.

I am renewed each time I turn my thoughts to God.

I don’t have to wait to do an amazing thing….

I don’t have to work at re-shaping my heart.

God has me exactly where He needs me and changes are occurring in the oatmeal and fresh fruit ordinariness of my everyday life.

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