I know only too well the sneaky touch of the enemy.
Like a wasp that flies past silently, lightly brushing my arm, a gentle sigh, leaving a welt that swells and burns and rages for days…
that dreadful emptiness in the pit of my stomach that roils and heaves with nausea,
the fearful anxiety that flutters like restless mud daubers beneath my heart,
a deep despair in the hollow of my solar plexus that presses upon my diaphragm making it hard to breathe,
those crazy days of frantic activity when nothing goes right and time is running short,
a gut tearing jealousy over other people’s apparently perfect lives,
the seething anger that has no reason yet burns uncontrollably,
my spiteful tongue that lashes out and causes untold damage to those I love,
the soul destroying doubts that second guess every step taken so far.
We’ve all been sucked into the quicksand.
It is not from God.
I’m told God is safe and calm,
He’s heard in the silence,
brings peace that surpasses all understanding,
lifts spirits,
provides a canopy of grace,
a safe embrace,
a fortress to hide in,
arrows to ward off the enemy who beguiles with sweet lies and coaxes us deeper into the abyss.
Lord, you are always there in the storm that blinds me from Your presence,
robs me of my joy,
blots out my optimism,
dashes my hope,
drains my love
and abandons me to deceptions that swarm my body, leaving a fire that spreads and smoulders for days.
Why can’t I feel you?
Why are you hiding from me?
Where are you Lord?
Well hello there! My name is Vivienne McNeny.
I am an empty nester exploring life as a Boomer…you could say I'm happily Boomering along!
As a homeschooling Mum I have finally quit the job of role model and mentor to my four children. I do what I want to do, eat when I feel like it, enjoy life with my blue eyed cowboy and clean my house once a month or so whether it needs it or not!
In true English form I write about the emergence of my true identity now that I can no longer hide behind my children as their Mum.
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