My father died three years ago today and his birthday is tomorrow.
I wondered why I was in a fog of confusion yesterday and realise the date has its talons in me.
Three years ago he was unconsciously battling for his life.
My brother was by his side.
I didn’t go but spoke some words only he heard through my brother’s mobile phone held to his ear.
Apparently he registered the sound of my voice.
I missed his familiar greeting,
“Oh Vivienne, there you are…”
A flicker of his eyelid was all, ‘there you are…’
His funeral took three weeks for us to arrange, that’s why I didn’t go because I needed to be at his final commendation to stand beside my mother, who in the end thought it was her father we were burying.
Three years and I can’t imagine him in heaven, although we are promised we will live a life eternal with God in paradise.
All kinds of bible verses spring to mind, one in particular,
‘My father has prepared a mansion with many rooms’ (John 14:2).
Daddy would like that.
Heaven seems for me to be a place that calms those on their death bed, if they are aware, and comforts those left behind, if they believe.
All I know is he’s not here and today his absence lends me irrational thoughts.
As my church will say tonight,
“Let us remember those whose years’ mind falls today. May the souls of the faithful departed rest in peace,” to which I will respond,
“And let perpetual light shine upon them. Amen.”
Cold comfort indeed.
I miss you Daddy. RIP.
Forever 83.
Well hello there! My name is Vivienne McNeny.
I am an empty nester exploring life as a Boomer…you could say I'm happily Boomering along!
As a homeschooling Mum I have finally quit the job of role model and mentor to my four children. I do what I want to do, eat when I feel like it, enjoy life with my blue eyed cowboy and clean my house once a month or so whether it needs it or not!
In true English form I write about the emergence of my true identity now that I can no longer hide behind my children as their Mum.
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