Saying Goodbye…Again…

Today I feel sensitive.

My breath is failing me and all I want to do is lie down and sleep.

After six weeks of living without Daughts, hubs and I went a-visiting.


Her boat came into Dover yesterday and we were there to meet it!

Despite a short night’s sleep on all our parts we enjoyed a day of familiar companionship.

When the time came for me to leave her at the ocean terminal my heart had gently lowered itself into my stomach and was weakly rolling around churning up home-sickening memories from my past.  I ploughed my way slowly back to the hotel through waves of unease.

I was missing her already; my heart dragging behind me like a dog not trained to heel.

Anxiety swept my resolve away and I looked back.

My final feather stood and watched me from the dock.

Now I knew where she was living.  Until today I could only draw from my own imaginings based on my own experience.

Ferries I’d been on to cross the channel; HMS Battleships explored with children who made everything look larger than life; a beautiful sailing vessel we took our family photo on one year!

Grand Mistral is a small Cruise ship,


but it took us all day to make our way around the decks and explore the nooks and crannies of her everyday life.

The corridors and stairs, the canteens and bars, the cabins and forward areas, the laundry and training rooms are floor to ceiling metal.  Staff and crew and magnets reside.

Behind the doors separating crew from passengers are carpets and plush furnishings, polished wooden floors and large windows, spacious decks and spas.  Guests and entertainers and hushed elegance reign.

The wide open spaces of the aft and forward decks and the generous views of sky and sea are no compensation for the feeling of being caught between steel and a wet place.

Daughts is on her own path towards independence now and her life needs to be her own.

Empty Nest means my life needs to be my own too.

But I will be Mum forever and my heart will always overflow when saying farewell to those I love, even when the tears don’t show!

Share this:

No comments so far!

Leave a Comment