Best Laid Plans…

The plan is to sell the flat.

There have been lots of plans in the last three months that have fallen through so my faith in plans is not very strong at the moment.

I was talking to my bff today, she is also my well heeled stranger from homeschooling, I told her the lack of structure and uncertainty I was experiencing was really toying with my mind.  She said,

“Let it go, surrender.”

I thrive on control so surrendering does not come naturally.

The plans that fell through are lessons in surrender.  I think I may have learned my lesson, but I am not in charge.

I’m only planning on being here for a year.

You see, lack of surrender again.  Another best laid plan that may fall through.

In the East people on the edge of life-changing events go to a monastery for six months or a year to re-allign and prepare for impending changes.  I like this idea, it is rather like counting to ten….very slowly….

Wearing my “in charge” hat I applied to all the schools in my area, that would be about twenty.  No-one wants me…”surrender,” my heart whispers.

In charge again I list all my spiritual gifts, carefully written out on a form, for the church we attend.  No bites…”surrender,” my heart murmurs.

As a form of surrender I try to imagine my life in America after the year is up.  If I don’t surrender regret will be my companion when I return. Regret is a jealous bed fellow.

Surrender enjoins me to put my faith in God and really trust He is at the helm.  This does not give me room to plan, to elbow, to bully my life into order.

But being still, waiting for that small voice, makes me want to tear my hair out!

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