Passing Judgement…

I belong to a small group in East Texas.  We are parents who dedicate a day a week to remember and pray for our children.

We are a powerful band that lifts each other up as we are confronted with the various shades of judgement that arise when we make, what used to be, harmless asides to our grown children.

The navigation of the fine line drawn in the eggshells when we share a cup of coffee or a meal (prayers whispered in our hearts) and unwittingly relax into what my father used to call,

the “pass remarkable”  mode…

is precarious.

Sometimes I forget that my child now lives alone, is independent and a responsible member of society.

Sometimes my child forgets that she is an independent, responsible member of society.

I catch myself relating to him as his younger self who still has the world before him, the oyster to discover, the knocks and bruises, the highs and lows waiting impatiently in the wings.

She, in turn, oft-times topples from her adult perch and becomes the assertive teen, the petulant IVth grader, the approval seeker…

At times I forget and don’t see him as he is but as he was.

At times she forgets and doesn’t see me as I am but as I was.

In this unbalanced climate we both push all kinds of buttons


while we slosh through the language of adult-to-adult back-lit by the parental/child par.

“What color did you say your hair was?”

“You’re really enjoying that wine aren’t you!”

“Let me give you a hug.”

“What are your plans for the day?”

“Is that another earring?  I bet that hurt?!”

Instead of smiling and answering,

“Crushed strawberry, don’t you just love it?” or “Mmm it’s crisp and dry, just the way I like it” or, ” Oh Mum I needed that!” or, “I may go for a walk, wish you could come.” or, “Yes, it hurt like heck!”

I am dealt a look, a cutting remark, a re-direction, a toxic silence.

Typically it all depends on the day and the mood for both of us.

I am learning from my powerful band that we are not called to war but rather to finding common ground with understanding.


I really do know better than to willfully judge when Jesus clearly states that He came as the light to all nations,

all people,

yes, all of them!

And after almost a decade of independent, responsible living outside my orbit I expect them to know that about me too!

My challenge now seems to be, how do I rid the floor of those prickly eggshells and lay down green pastures to restore souls? (Psalm 23)

I have emptied my nest, shaken it out and re-arranged the furniture.

I have held onto my values, I try to listen with the ear of my heart and respond by looking deeply into my child’s eyes and finding myself reflected there.

I pray that as I navigate this two way street we can all tread carefully over the rocks of judgement,


and reach the healing waters beyond.

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2019-03-25 16:33:19 Reply


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