Saying “Yes”…

Writer’s block,

Is this what it is?

I no longer feel compelled to sit at my desk and spend a few hours lost in the written word.

For starters, my desk is tucked away at the back of the house and at the moment I don’t feel like being tucked away.

I want my computer to be on the screened in porch where I can see a great expanse of land,

where I can hear Hubs outside at work on his lawn mower,

or inside at his computer.

I want to sit in the little nook we have created with floating shelves,


and books, objets d’arts, and my cousin’s water colour prints of the part of Kent I grew to love while my parents were alive,

where I can be soothed by the hum of the fridge,

and smell the incense as it re-freshes the air.

I want to set up on the refectory table with its memories of a wedding breakfast still fresh in my mind,

Where I can listen to music playing softly in the background,

feel the kittens playing at my feet never far from the promise of food,

and look out at the still of the living room.


Something has changed.  I no longer want to cloister myself in a room with the door closed so I can get lost inside my head and write without distraction.

Let’s put it another way, I do want to write but as a result of my choice to return to the work force (slowly mind you, nothing too demanding),

I have found it impossible to pick up where I left off… and post three times a week.

The word waste comes to mind,

time is spiraling in the wind like a leaf, refusing to settle.

I have lists of things I used to do and feel I still must do but there’s no structure in which to discharge them.

The best parts of my usually mellow, tranquil day, have vanished to be replaced by something completely different.

When I come home in the afternoon I change my clothes and run my fingers through my hair.

I make a cup of coffee and entice Hubs to sit awhile.

I feed the patiently waiting cats and wash their dishes.

I check email and get side tracked on my computer looking at the unrelated but adorable photos I take of young cows,


I prepare lunch and snack for the following day and as I stretch my back and reach for my list it’s time to start cooking the evening meal and I jot down another item and put it aside,

“For another day…” I tell myself.

I knew when I said “Yes” to subbing I was saying “No” to life as I knew it.

I didn’t realize that my “No” would multiply and soon outnumber my “Yes”.

Each hour I am away from where I have been for the last 24 years becomes another “No.”

My days weren’t hampered by To Do’s, they stretched languidly and gazed at me through sleepy eyes in the morning.


There were no bells or clocks to keep me on task.

I walked, Jazzercised, shopped, went to church, spent time on my yoga mat, wrote, lunched with Hubs, prayed,

cooked in my lovely kitchen whipping up soups and salads, cakes and granolas, scones and breads at the drop of a hat.

My one “Yes”, well intentioned though it was,

Has resulted in the loss of those sweet things that kept me on an even keel, fed my soul, stilled my somersaulting thoughts,

Has caused me to look around our beautiful Footlights and think,

“When am I going to find the time to enjoy all this?”

Last week, when my temper began unravelling, the dormant, list making, organized, energetic scheduler finally woke up and prodded me.

And, similar to the day during our first year of homeschooling when I realized I was doing too much with no time to sit and gaze for a moment let alone add a bible study to the mix, I remembered Jesus’ charge in Matthew 6:33,

“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and everything will be given to you.”

And of course, things fell into place just as they had twenty-some-odd years ago.

It isn’t writer’s block after all,

It’s called, getting my priorities straight.



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