A reading I particularly related to this week was about Jesus setting his face to Jerusalem (Luke 9:51).
The divine Jesus knew only too well what he was getting himself into, but I bet he still wanted to skip the in-between bits. As a human he used every ounce of faith he could muster to perfectly model a selfless trust in his Heavenly Father. Jesus hoped that what he suspected was going to happen, could somehow pass him by, that God, in His greatness, would come up with another plan. He kept repeating, “whatever you think best Dad, there must be a better way…but whatever you think best.”
For me, today, knowing what I know now, how brave do I have to be to surrender to a father who would send his only son to death? He loved us so much, He sent His only son to die, so that we could share eternity with the happy, Heavenly Trio. Even though I know how the story ends, it’s the middle part that scares me. I feel like my daughter who at seventeen said,
“I know I’m on the verge of my future and I know where I want to be in ten years, but I am nervous about what I am going to have to do to get there. I want to wake up tomorrow morning and already be there…”
She didn’t want to do all the hard work, she didn’t want the agony and suffering that holds hands with everyday life.
Neither do I.
I am so afraid I won’t live up to God’s high standard that I don’t even want an invitation to try. I’d rather take a blinkered slide through life, a surge forward with the crowd. The very thought of putting my trust in the Lord sets me on edge. I plead,
“I don’t want to step away from the crowd, can’t you see I’m busy, I can’t do anything for you. Leave me alone!”
But of course, as a father, God will prod me, as I did my children, to stretch, to reach for the outer edges of my potential. I am mortally afraid he will ask me to die to myself. I am too happy with the way I am to want to do that! Instead I hang back, reluctant to fall into His waiting arms. In my holding back all the headaches and nausea, the worrying and short temperedness, the tears and doubts rush headlong at me and knock the living daylights out of me.
My bridge game puts great stock in post mortems. They improve the game, they show me where my weaknesses lie and if I am attentive, I learn from them. If I am not I soon find myself without a bridge partner. So it is with life, and God, my partner, never drops me, no matter how bad I am at learning from my mistakes (Hebrews13:5).
How does He put up with me?
Stubborn and proud, I come out on the other side of a particularly trying phase in my life, brush myself off with a,
“Phew! Thank goodness that’s over,” and look back.
There are God’s fingerprints all over what I’ve just been through.
He was there?
I am speechless, and every time, without fail, for I try to have a servant heart, I pledge that in future I will set my face resolutely “to Jerusalem” (Matthew 20:17-19), be brave during the in-between bits, even if they are boring waiting moments, and make the most of this beautiful life God has given me to offer to His glory.
Well hello there! My name is Vivienne McNeny.
I am an empty nester exploring life as a Boomer…you could say I'm happily Boomering along!
As a homeschooling Mum I have finally quit the job of role model and mentor to my four children. I do what I want to do, eat when I feel like it, enjoy life with my blue eyed cowboy and clean my house once a month or so whether it needs it or not!
In true English form I write about the emergence of my true identity now that I can no longer hide behind my children as their Mum.
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