I had two “pop in” conversations on Skype today, the main form of communication between us and our offspring, now that we are no longer State Side.
Our oldest daughter calls each day on her way to work, or at the weekend, when she gets up. Either time is a healthy afternoon hour for us here. I usually hear hubby and daughter chit chatting and join in for few minutes. Hubs commented that I don’t really talk much to her, we email a bit but when I just “pop in” on the Skype conversation it’s not quite the same as being one of the leads in the conversation. We only ever have superficial conversations anyway because it is so difficult to get under her skin and really find out what’s going on in her head when there are only a few minutes of casual conversation over the internet going on. So I don’t push it, I believe, when she’s ready she’ll talk, and then she gets diarrhea of the mouth…believe me I’ve been there!
Casual conversation in person has the same characteristics. I had a polite chat with my cousin-in-law who has just lost his wife, my cousin, and he circumvented his loss by asking how my brother was after losing our mother and I said,
“I asked him that. I just looked him in the eye and said, ‘Vincent, how are you holding up?’ and he said, ‘Fine!'” and my cousin-in-law said,
“Well, he’s going to say that isn’t he? He’s not going to admit he’s not doing well, but I know his work at the office piles up, his ex-wife is demanding, he picks his boys up at the drop of a hat, he must be struggling.”
Then this same lovely man went on to say the words he hated hearing the most from kind meaning people,
“‘I know how you feel.’ How can anyone know how I feel? It really irritates me because they can’t possibly know how I feel.”
I wondered if I’d just said that? He didn’t go on to shed any light on how he felt, I had to guess based on how I felt with my loss. Men can be emotionally constipated.
My youngest son isn’t though. He surprises me every time. He Skyped today and I “popped in” for the second time today, but this time the conversation was so diffferent. He was concerned about work and how folks seemed to be picking on him and we talked for twenty minutes or so about what to do, and how he must be feeling and how difficult it is to take responsibility and have potential and disappoint bosses without even knowing you’re disappointing bosses!
I’d say my son does not suffer from emotional constipation. He makes up for my reticent daughter who won’t tell me anything.
As their mother and a woman I encourage him to be brave and he is…and I encourage her to be brave and she is…. Both in their unique ways.
Well hello there! My name is Vivienne McNeny.
I am an empty nester exploring life as a Boomer…you could say I'm happily Boomering along!
As a homeschooling Mum I have finally quit the job of role model and mentor to my four children. I do what I want to do, eat when I feel like it, enjoy life with my blue eyed cowboy and clean my house once a month or so whether it needs it or not!
In true English form I write about the emergence of my true identity now that I can no longer hide behind my children as their Mum.
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