Demise…

Our youngest daughter arrived home from Texas today.

She confidently says she has three homes, Dallas, London and Leigh on Sea.  My mother always said she had lost us when we referred to our abode away from the family home as “home.”  I think this shows my daughter to be well adjusted.  She enjoys having a foothold in three camps; places where she can feel comfortable and safe!

Hubs and I anticipated a tough re-union and so pledged to let her lead the conversation and set the tone.  We embraced, appraised, smiled and walked through the terminal exchanging the odd word en route,

“Do you have your Oyster card?”

“Were you able to sleep on the plane?”

“I had a whole row to myself.”

“I didn’t like my dinner except for the salad dressing….”

I didn’t eat breakfast…”

At home she unpacked while hubs made her a bacon sarnie and tea.  We sipped our cuppas while she picked at her food quietly crying.  I reached for her hand.

“I feel like a Kindergartener not wanting to go back to school,” she said between sobs.

“And you never went to kindergarten!” I said trying for a smile, “why not finish your brekkies and go for a nap?”

“I think I will.”  Before retiring she delivered our stack of Texas mail to the table.  Tucked at the bottom was a letter from her addressed to “Mother and Father.”

It said,

“Dear Mum and Dad,

Thank you for this wonderful opportunity.  England was always my goal and I would never have made it a reality without your love and support.

…I had such an awesome  time with everyone.  Even though it was so hard to leave…

Christmas…was different…but I had such a great time with you both!  Seeing “Ghost” was one of my favourite memories with you!  Also that crazy sushi and champagne party!  Funny times!

But here’s to an amazing 2012!

I could never thank you two enough for all of my opportunities!

All my love.”

As I’ve said before, my youngest is brave!

She risked the feeling of hollowness to go and re-fuel for a couple of weeks, see her family, friends and mostly her T-baby!

Before she left she said she was excited about going but afraid about coming back.

But with a great heft of determination she refused to let her sheer joy be overshadowed.

She has discovered, sadly, that living her dream is not easy.

But it is a once in a lifetime opportunity which could lead her to heights as yet undreamed..

In Dallas, at a wedding, she learned the bride and groom had only been together for 100 of the 600 days they had known each other.  He is a missionary in Africa; she was finishing college.  Our daughter can relate to tales like that but do they help her bring things into perspective?  Or do they serve as a foreboding?I am her mother; I have lots of years of experience, wisdom and history behind me…too many!

She herself has wondered why such insignificant things bothered her when she was younger?

I say,

“They may be insignificant in hindsight, but they were utterly critical to your life back then!”

I tell her to remember the odd coincidences that surrounded our visit to Leigh last year; she remembers.

I tell her God is with her; she nods (I say that a lot).

I tell her she is exactly where God wants her to be,

“Sad and hollow?”  she asks?

“God’s hand never brings grief,” I say, “but hang on to Him, He’ll show you how to use those feelings.”

Attitude and state of mind are demanding companions.

My daughter is a beautiful person from the soul out and the Lord will,

“…guide her along the path of righteousness for His name’s sake.”(Psalm 23: 3)

Sorrow is a product of taking risks, giving your heart and dreaming.

“Tears may linger at nightfall but joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30: 5)

I pull her into an embrace, this time she is strong, her tears water the wilting garden of her heart.

“You have a store of happy memories that you bravely made.  They will be there for you forever,” I whisper.

She hugs me tight.
Love

 

 

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2 Comments

Jane

2012-01-24 07:53:24 Reply

What an insightful, wise mum you are.
It’s interesting that you write about pain and where God is in the midst of our hurting as that was the theme of Sunday’s sermon in church too.
The preacher drew attention to Christ’s wounds and considered it deeply meaningful that with all God had chosen to raise Jesus from the dead, with His wounds when with all His might and power, God could have raised Him ‘perfect’.
God never says knowing Him means we avoid suffering but it does mean He journeys alongside us as we endure and as we age, our capacity for bearing pain increases in direct relation to our perspective and experience and the scars He bears are a reminder that He understands suffering.
I really enjoy your blog posts and having the girls here when my own grown up children have flown the nest is an interesting experience for us too for as the girls feel they have several homes, I feel I’ve inherited and been entrusted with a degree of care of these young people whilst we temporarily share each others space and lives. Like you, I believe God was very much at the heart of our meeting and who are we to question His plans? :-)
Have a wonderful day and keep up the fab posts xxx

    Vivienne McNeny

    2012-01-24 08:16:43 Reply

    Thanks Janexxx As I always say, I’m firmly in His grip!

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